Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Settling In

That is me. In the distance is LA. This is where I live, where I work, where I must strive.
I am trying very hard to take my life one day at a time because otherwise it gets really overwhelming; but I find that moving forward, regardless of how difficult, is always better than standing still.
In fact sometimes standing still is terrifying. I must admit it is still tempting to go back to that type of livestyle. But I know what standing still feels like, I know how to live that way because I was there and that really didn't work out so well. Even the best of plans sometimes fall apart.
Here's to upward and onward, ever onward.

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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Just a Reminder...

Today I got paid to be out in the beautiful sunny California day with the gorgeous blue sky above me as I worked my job doing what I love to do.
I have sacrificed everything to get here today. I regret nothing. The choices of others are their own choices. I can no longer allow that to guide my path or my choices.
I am grateful of where my path has led me. I am grateful that I have given up my own plans and put my faith in the Lord to guide me, each opportunity is as if God has placed a path marker or arrow for me to follow forward. In fact it would almost be a sin to go backward at this point. True there are many times in which I have had to go out and create my own opportunities, they don't just fall in people's laps, but by virtue of trying and doing (as opposed to being bitter because nothing was coming to me on its own) I have found a new insight into life and I have surprised myself with my tenacity and my determination.
Times are hard. Things are hard. But when I get depressed I need only remember how blessed I am, how lucky I am to have found this job and these opportunities, and how truly and deeply fulfilling it is to do what I absolutely love for a living.
Not a lot of people can say that. In fact I was taught that I would have to just take a job, work to pay the bills, and deal with it; essentially to become a slave of my own making. I tried that. I did as well as I could. And I actually felt like a failure when I couldn't seem to keep it up. As it turns out, I have grown so much and I have allowed these new opportunities to reach me by throwing down my old walls and previous expectations of life.
Even though sometimes I cry and I miss my old life, I couldn't be happier. In fact I only cry because I wish so much that certain people from my past life would allow themselves to be a part of this experience with me because I know that they too deserve to feel the way I do, and when they refuse it makes me sad to see them so resolved to their misery.
So just as a reminder - life is good.

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